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Arlene's Story:

Arlene Otis was a frail lady in her 80's who needed help badly.  She was suffering from advanced stages of Alzheimer's and dementia.  She was in need of constant care.  My wife (we are divorced now), Kelley, and I packed up all our belongings in Las Vegas (Henderson) into a moving van.  I put the house up for rent, and moved 3,000 miles to Searsport, Maine so that we could take care of Arlene, who was Kelley's grandmother.  We did not hesitate in the decision to help this family member who now required 24 hour-a-day care.

The idea was to keep Arlene, "Gram", safe and sound inside her own home which she had been living in for decades.  We wanted Gram to live the rest of her life with quality care in familiar surroundings thus prolonging her life, keeping her dignity, and to just "do the right thing".  Sadly, the notion of family taking care of each other in sickness and need is rapidly going away in this country.  The elderly are cast aside into nursing homes all too quickly by family members because it is too much trouble to take care of them or for other more shocking reasons.  However, it should be noted that there are certain cases where a nursing facility may be the best or only choice for a family.  This was not the case for Arlene and we made sure that Arlene stayed in her home and where she belonged.

And so we stayed with Gram for over a year.  We gave her our constant and undivided attention.  We made sure that her time spent with us was filled with love, care, and respect.  It was not easy, especially for Kelley since she was taking care of Gram 24 hours a day.  Taking care of someone with Alzheimer's Disease can be an extremely demanding task requiring almost superhuman patience and inner-strength.  Kelley made me proud of the way she weathered the storms that came our way.

Gram's final night with us was sad for me but beautiful and touching.  She had been visited by all her family members during the afternoon.  As Gram lay in her bed during her last hours, I went outside, picked a rose from the huge rose bush that Gram loved.  I came inside and held the rose gently to her nose.  Gram, who was unconscious and barely clinging to life, raised her hand up to mine and held my hand.  I felt that Gram was thanking us for helping to protect her and telling me that everything was OK.  I stroked her hair and told her that I loved her.  I put the rose in her hand and said my last goodbye.  Gram passed away shortly after.

The privilege of being involved with her care taught me a few new things about myself that I did not know previously.  I felt that I finally had achieved doing something that was totally unselfish and involved sacrifice.  I learned that I was truly strong enough to weather any storm and take on any challenge that came along to make sure that Gram lived the best quality of life possible.  Amazingly, this incredibly tough situation made me into a kinder, gentler soul.

I will never forget you and what you taught me, Gram.